This is my life. I've been called a lot of things. Supposedly I'm Crazy, Dramatic, an Over exaggerator, right down to a B*tch. But the way I see it I just react how I think I should when people cross me over.
Just like everyone else I have a lot of problems I try to overlook in life. A lot of problems I probably should deal with, while others I shouldn't give to shits about.
I have a lot going for me, but I still degrade myself. I never let myself have more confidence than I should because I just let myself down. I am a giver... and I rarely receive. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.
Since, I knew what love was I was willing to let anyone try and love me. I paste a fake smile on my face when I'm sad, and I cry alone in my room at night so nobody knows my pain. I secretly break easily but, am too stubborn to let it show.
I will admit it took a rough 24 years to get to where I am today. To be able to admit the things I know I should change and try and do something about it. That's where I'm at right now in life. I'm trying to better myself as a person the way I think I see fit. I have support from my best of friends, and I could never thank them enough. But, my backbone, the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with could care less.
Sometimes, I feel like I let people treat me the way they do to punish myself for all the bad things I've ever done. My own taste of Karma if you will.
I wasn't a "horrible" person back in the day, but I wasn't the nicest. Sometimes I meant well, other times I took peoples good charities for guaranteed.
All in all I think I've pretty much learned from my experiences even though I've had some pretty bad ones. I'm going to keep doing what I think is right when it comes to me and the person I'm becoming.
Yea definitely keep doing what your doing. I don't know you the best but you really seem to know what you want and don't let anything or anyone hold you back from become more of what you want to be. Family and friends is all you need. Keep it up, you're awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks Travis, I appreciate it. I just want a good life..
ReplyDeleteAnd there's no reason you can't make it happen. You are more than capable.
ReplyDeleteYour smile is too beautiful to remain lonely for too long. You sound like a really humble person who is on the right track. People confuses humility with letting others have it their way, but Jesus was the humblest man on earth and even him called the pharisees a "white sepulcher". I wish there was more girls like you around here in SF. Don't ever stop smiling. Slap life in the face with your smile, that's my advice to you. :P and think it thoroughly, maybe you don't really need to change.
ReplyDeleteLeo
Thank you Leo. I try to be as humble as possible and hopefully I don't fall off this track that I'm on....
ReplyDelete:)