New New NEWness

So I've been watching a lot of youtube videos lately... I know, I know. I've wanted to post some videos, BUT i'm just horrible at editing them. this new Video Maker on my computer is just a complete mess. I don't like it one bit. I'm trying to find one I can download and use to edit my vids without a single fuss or head scratching problems.
SOOOOOOOOOOOO starting Monday. after my usual daily routine of:
1. morning jog
2. morning coffee
3. morning shower
4. email checking (along with fb twitter ect.)
...
numero 5. shall be making videos and attempting? to edit? them?
this should be fun. I'm kind of exciting.

The last time I remember really editing a video was in highschool.
I did a spoof video for a class. A friend and I, dressed up as gangsters and sang
"the real slim shady" song. Let's just say I wish wish WISH I could find that video and post it on youtube. The entire class laughed and editing the cuss words out... was probably the most aweful part that I remember.

Well until next time.
-Peace-

lost

i dont know what to do anymore. everything just seems like it falls out of place everytime i try to see the positive side of things. i just can't take it anymore. my anxiety is killing me and everything is making it worse. i really feel like i've fallen in a rut and no matter how hard i try and how hard i plead i cannot seem to find my way out of it. it's like i'm trapped in my own little world banished from reality... i try and try and try to hold on but i just slip away. what does a person do without a means of transportation to do the important things in life? job, appointments, interviews, family functions.. and in the end i look like the bad person because i can only do so much to help myself.
for years my social anxiety has gotten worse and worse.. go to the doctor right? with what money. it's sad some days i can't even leave my house and nobody understands. not even the person i love and live with.
all i ask is where the hell is my break? ...before i hit my breaking point...

New Moon Rising...

I've been very busy the past couple of weeks, trying to find a way to get a job without a working vehicle... Still nothing. It seems like all I really have is my damn computer. Now, If only I could make money off of here I would be set. I'm bound and determined to do this on my own. It is really hard though... 'Specially when I live in a dinky ass town and the only real jobs are in the surrounding towns. Sitting at home gives me a lot of time to think. Think about things I need to think about, but also think about things that shouldn't even matter anymore. It sort of drives me to the brink of insanity sometimes... Sometimes I feel like I don't know where to turn or who to talk to because I hear the same thing over and over again. I just feel like my options are very limited. If it weren't for Daniel, I don't know where I would be right now. People look at us and think I take him for granted. I probably do. I don't think I could ever thank him enough for being supportive and helpful. I love him.
I have also began to think about my relationships outside of my intimate one with him. My friendships that is. I really think it's time to dump some people that I think are holding me back. Sometimes I think I'm only friends with some certain people because I think I have to be. This person's friends with this person and if I'm not at least trying to be friends with them than all hell breaks loose. Well, I'm done with all that bullcr*p. Especially when these people that your friends with, your nothing but nice to them...your a shoulder for them to cry on and an ear for them to listen. I'm done, and I need to focus on my life, I need to better my life and I don't need to deal with the everyday bullcr*p that these people bring into my life.
I'm ready for a new beginning. I'm ready for change. I just hope every ones ready for me. :)