Hello fellow readers. I don't know why, but this popped into my head and I just feel like I have to tell you all.
I cut back on my alcohol intake. (Every so often I do slip...)
I go out now and again but not as much as I used to.
My regular schedule was drinking 5 to 6 days out of the week give or take a couple of days where I would just sleep the day away.
Alcoholism runs in my family.
My Mom is an alcoholic my Aunt and Uncle.. My grandparents.
I knew I had hit a low point when I first tried to attend college.
(Notice how I said tried)
I didn't succeed at all.. and to try and help myself I only enrolled in two classes that semester so I could get a decent job and better my odds.
I spent all my rent money, food money, gas money on beer.
Not only was I horrible attending to my financials but, I was turning into a horrible person.
I am not at all exaggerating. I know now that some of the things I did, or said I can never change. As much as I still feel the guilt and the pain of all the things I've done I somehow gather up the strength to move ahead in life.
I had a hurt a lot of people when I was this person...
I sometimes look back like I was about 10 minutes ago and think, how could I have done that.
I used to get very violent too, towards others as well as myself.
I would get into fights voluntarily, most of them ended up being roommates of mine which lead to getting kicked out of all the places I moved into.
After living with 5 different friends, I ended up homeless and living in my car.
The sad thing was at the time living in my car didn't matter to me, as long as I had enough change in my ashtray to buy a 40oz. or anything for that matter.
One particular event has stuck with me, when my boyfriend at the time finally realized what kind of person I was.. he dumped me. I had around 10 dollars in change I walked to the gas station to get something to eat and I looked at my reflection in the window as I reached the door. I was so disgusted with myself. I walked in bought the first cheap bottle of booze that I could find and the first thing that popped into my head was I'm going to end this all before it can get any worse.
Now, obviously I never went through with it.. drove to a park downtown parked my car downed my bottle of booze and passed out.
I moved back in with my parents within that week. They helped me get a stable job.. get my life back on track.
5 years later, here I am.. in my own home.. going to school, full time job, boyfriend, 2 cats and a dog. Friends that I would die for, family that supports me. I have a happy little life.
Mind you, I still drink. I don't think I will ever quit drinking. I have learned to control myself. Only have 1 or 2 drinks to last the entire night.
Will power is the key sometimes I think my life is running on it.
If you know of someone who may be abusing alcohol or any other drugs
visit www.dosomething.org
Help them want to help themselves.
Bless you all.
Congratulations Michelle. I've witness second hand the destructive power of alcohol. My uncle, from my dad's side, was always drunk. He is a great person, but his vice seems to be his doom. He was never able to have a stable social life or job. I would come back from school, while I was just 7, and find him sleep on the sidewalk in front of my house with his pants wet for all the "processed alcohol". I have grown so disgusted to the effects alcohol has on people, that I refuse to drink any alcoholic beverage unless require by a special occasion such as Christmas Eve or New year's. I find no pleasure in drinking alcohol to satisfy "thirst". I can't really relate to what you have expose here, but I feel very happy, that you have manage to find a balance. Way to go Michelle. :)
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